Foreword by Jane:
For any men reading this blog, you should purchase Tony Evans book “Kingdom Man” and read chapter 8 called “Authorized to Rule“.
Being the head of your home is a spiritual authority, and if you lack a kingdom perspective, then you either won’t rule at all, or you will rule with the wrong motives. If you choose not to rule at all, you give the authority over a situation, or your vision, to Satan.
“Your right to rule (as a man) is so integral to life, that God himself will regularly wait on your decision before He does what He is going to do. Even though the battle was the Lord’s, David still had to sling the stone.”
“God exercises patience, waiting for an action by man before He carries out His promise.”
God never forces you to rule, but He has provided you with everything necessary to maximize your own life and everyone else in you sphere of influence. God has established boundaries, and within those boundaries, He has given you the freedom to call the plays.
(All of the above quotes and paraphrases were taken from Chapter 8 of Kingdom Man.)
If a Christian man does not consult God when making decisions, then a Christian woman is afraid to follow that rule. Every Christian wife needs to see her husband reading God’s word on a regular basis, hear Biblical words of wisdom when decisions are being made, and know that our men are praying for help to rule.
Sometimes in life you end up taking an unexpected journey, whether you want to or not. That is where I found myself on that late January afternoon as I packed up the second of my two very small pickup loads of worldly belongings. As I stood in the driveway of the home we had built together more than a quarter of a century earlier, I wondered if I would ever be able to return here to be with my family.
I was moving to an apartment to try to sort things out and try to rebuild our marriage. I had plenty to do at first, buying furniture, kitchen cookware, setting up a household routine. Once all that type of new stuff experience wore off, I faced the cold reality of beginning life over. As a good friend had warned me many years earlier, “ You learn a lot about yourself when you go home to an empty apartment every day.”
Busy days at work only postponed the ultimate return, at the end of the day, to a life of silence, frustration, and anger. The wife I had adored for almost three decades seemed to despise the very sight of me, and the children that I loved could not stand to be near me.
Whenever the topic came up at work, my friends, trying to be supportive, I suppose, said, “ You are young enough to start over”, “Don’t worry, you can find someone else, ” etc. I did not want to start over. I had to get things turned around. Luckily that really was not up to me alone. I started going back to another church, reading the entire Bible, and praying for answers. I even read a book that Jane had recommended.
Two long months later, we finally started our relationship over again. We actually started talking to each other in a polite caring manner. We listened quietly while the other person was speaking. As the months slipped by, I started going back to my former home on weekends to help with a few outside chores. We worked together, took naps in the bed of my truck when tired, and actually had some deep conversations that no one except the two of us could hear.
As the months passed, I was seeing the possibility for a renewal of the love that had once been so strong for both of us. I knew a lot of things still needed to be changed. In our marriage, I had given over most of the decision-making to Jane. Not only was that grossly unfair to her, it was also not Biblically based. Retaking my position as head of the family would come with many adjustments… for both of us.
Thankfully, as always, she has worked extremely hard to help make that transition as easy as possible. Did she have full faith and confidence in me at first, of course not, why should she. We both came to realize, at different points in time, that the cumulative mistakes made over a lifetime could not be corrected in a hurry.
Luckily, I was blessed with a forgiving spouse, who wanted to resolve our problems. Neither of us has figured out exactly where or when things started to go south in our marriage and perhaps we never will. We do seem to agree that we were focusing on the wrong things, rather than on what our relationship should have been.
I am sure that the future will bring additional challenges to our relationship and we must be equipped to handle them or we face failure again. We need to hold fast to the Biblical principles of love and forgiveness. We have to avoid the pride and arrogance that is Satan’s deadly trap.
“Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord.” Lamentations 3:40