If you are reading my gardening blog for the first time… this is a series on how I became a homemaker and began working on a better garden and retreat at home.
We had paid for our house many years ago, when our children were still young, but maintained an equity line. About a year before we separated, we remodeled our house, built a barn, fenced in our land and run up an equity line of $130,000. Yes… you saw that right.
Why would two educated people who had worked to be debt free years earlier, and was proud to have accomplished that feat, do such a thing? We were miserable in our marriage and were trying to buy happiness. We thought that if we worked on these projects together and we lived in a nicer home, with more stuff, our marriage would get better. It didn’t. And we became even more miserable, as we became “servants to the lender” (see Proverbs 22:7).
In 2007, I was living the dream… NOT!… and that’s when Danny stepped in. He was watching me fall asleep, sitting up in a chair, if I was home, and other than that, we never saw each other.
Unknown to me, he figured out our finances, juggled some things from his end, arranged to pay off my car, and then approached me with his plan.
He wanted me to quit work for good. To come home and take care of the house and garden. To be available to help our children out with any future grandchildren we might have, and at that time, that was a step of faith in God and the future, because there were no potential grandchildren in sight. This move would give us more time together and relieve Danny of some of his chores at home, since I would be there to do them. Danny also understood… my heart had always been toward home, and he was offering me the option.
A few fears crossed my mind… would I become a dull woman staying at home and not being out in the world?… what would retirement look like, money-wise from my end?… would I be bored?
I said I needed to pray about it, and told him yes the next day. It was an easy step for me. I knew this was a miracle from God.
Danny’s past attitude toward us both working was… we would both work (outside the home). Danny doesn’t like change, and is a rock when he believes something should be a certain way. I knew God was in it. He changed Danny’s mind.
I also knew that we both needed more time to work on our marriage. At this point our marriage was stable, but only because we lived our own lives and never saw each other.
I have been home since March of 2008. We paid off our house, for the second time, last month.
As far as our marriage goes…
I love the Hallmark movie… The Magic Of Ordinary Days. That is what has happened in our marriage. We learned to be kinder to each other, and as we began to live out plain, ordinary days, our hearts began to heal. Sometimes the calmness of just sitting down to an ordinary meal, with ordinary conversation, where you make an effort to speak gently to each other… day after day… leads to miracles.
I feel that God has ordained married life to be this way. As the head of our marriage, Danny is responsible to provide. As the helper, I am responsible for making his life easier as he does so.
Our children are both happily married, and in homes that strive to make God first priority. We now have one grandchild… that we didn’t know in 2007… but God directed Danny to plan for, when he asked me to come home. We have faith… there will be more grandchildren. We want a lot!
As for me… I am happy. I no longer care what someone thinks when I list my occupation as homemaker. I am following God and leaving the consequences to Him (As Charles Stanley always says. :)).
As for how I feel about Danny, now? How can you not love a man who gets down and plays in the floor with you and a one year old grand baby. How can you not love a man who holds a high training position, yet will make animal noises and sing silly songs to keep our grand baby, who hates to ride in a carseat, from crying as he rides home.
That is the magic of ordinary days.
Have a great weekend! On Monday, I would like to tell you why I chose to write this series.