If you are reading my gardening blog for the first time… this is a series on how I became a homemaker and began working on a better garden and retreat at home.
Danny and I had a devastating development occur with one of our children.
Since our children were conceived, I have loved them with a fierce love, and have fought for them as best I could. I had premature labor with both children and was on bedrest for two months prior to their births. I lost one little boy between their births.
This devastating period in our child’s life would last for several years. We prayed. We cried. Over and over we felt the devastating loss of that child… over, and over, and over. From day to day we never knew if our child was alive or dead, and if dead, would someone even let us know? And death was a very strong possibility.
God brought me to my knees. I have never been brought so low by anything, not even the struggles of our marriage.
Danny and I both agreed later…. that this time in our lives nearly killed us both. We bore unbearable grief, fear, hurt, anger, and sadness for our child.
There is nothing that will bring you to your knees faster than when something happens to one of your children.
But God was also ridding me of my own arrogance, and pride, and showing me that I could control nothing without Him. In fact I could control nothing period. God is in control. The only thing any of us have control over is Who we choose to follow.
God walked with me during that time. My favorite songs were Jeremy Camp’s… “Walk By Faith” and “I Still Believe.” I would cry every time I heard them, but the words rang true in my heart.
After two years, God restored our child to us, and life continued, although we were all still struggling with the after affects, our child more than any of us. There are always consequences to our choices, that we have to live with, even when we get back on God’s path for us.
I changed jobs and was back in worldly ambition mode. In 2007, I was working as the Educator for a Birthing Center. My years of experience in Labor and Delivery, Neonatal Intensive Care, Surgery, teaching Lamaze, and a BSN degree, earned me this move up the nursing career ladder.
I was considered a part of management and as such had to rotate through call one weekend a month. I usually got called in to handle staffing situations. I prepared and taught classes on night shifts because the manager did not want the nurses to have to come back during the day. I taught classes during the day. I was responsible for the educational updates for our nurses and midwives and for maintaining their educational records. I hunted them down when they were behind in their education and provided the education at their convenience.
I would be working in my office to prepare another educational tool on the computer, or preparing for a class, then a floor nurse would call in sick, and they would come get me from my office to take a patient load. That meant I had to come back on the weekends to finish up my office work.
At the insistence of my manager, I was also leaving work on Tuesday evening and driving an hour to take classes toward my Master’s degree.
My manager piled on more responsibilities to my job, things she should have been taking care of herself. I was working 7 days a week, 12 plus hours a day. If I was at home and I sit down, I fell asleep. I was exhausted. Life was ridiculous, and yet I thought there was no way out. I thought… this is just life in this world… and I made myself put one foot forward each day and take a step, then another, then another. I had reached the top… where I thought I wanted to be… and it was an inhumane way to live.
Then Danny stepped in.
“But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” 1 Corinthians 11:3