If you are reading my gardening blog for the first time… this is a series on how I became a homemaker and began working on a better garden and retreat at home.
The story continues…
When I broke our date, we made arrangements for the next week. Danny had not given up. He wanted to meet!
I had another week to stew. During that week I studied God’s word more, but was looking for answers to what my life should look like. Sarah Mally has written a book called, Before You Meet Prince Charming, that gives details of what a woman’s life should look like before marriage, and what we are to strive to be before God. I highly recommend it.
I knew that divorce was not the answer, and we somehow had to work things out and restore our marriage. I also knew that I could not live in the supernatural peace state forever. Life is not that way in this world. (John 16:33)
The supernatural peace had been a gift from God and I was grateful, but I knew it was God’s will, to walk in faith with Him and step out of that peaceful circle. I met Danny the next Friday night.
It was very weird and awkward. Danny, however, was very calm, at least externally, and I was a mess. We went to the K&W restarant, which was a good choice, since there were no waitresses coming to get orders or re-fill drinks, and we could just eat and talk.
I couldn’t eat. The flood gates opened, I could not stop crying. I cried tears of anger, bitterness, sadness, guilt, hurt. My nose became so stopped up, I could hardly talk. I would just get myself under control, and then it would start all over again. Danny endured, and we tried to talk.
As we talked, we brought up past issues. I thought we had to come to some agreement on our differences in these issues, and how we would treat each other in the future in these matters. As we brought up past issues… anger and bitterness grew, and we were going right back in the direction we had been trying to move away from. Our conversation became interspersed with burst of angry words.
I want to stop here and interject some information that I have learned.
God has a hierarchy for marriages. If you think you don’t have to follow God’s mandates for marriage, then go against them, but you won’t be happy, and your marriage will not last. Here is the hierarchy:
1. God is head of all.
2. Christ submits to God.
3. Christ is over the man, and the man is to study God’s Word and learn all he can, so that he can fulfill his role under Christ. A husband is to love his wife, as Christ loves His church (bride) and give up himself for her. By doing so, it brings the wife in right standing before God and as a wife. The husband is to study God’s word, so that he can share it with his wife, and bring her on a better path of understanding God’s will for both of them and their family. Husbands are to love and care for their wives, as they do for their own bodies. They are to nourish and cherish.
4. The husband is over the wife. She is to “reverence” (show deep respect for) her husband. The wife is to submit to the husband just as she submits to Christ. The husband is the head and bears more responsibility before God. His decisions for his wife and family, need to be well thought out and come from praying and searching scriptures.
The wife was created to be a helper (see Genesis 2:18) to the husband. What does being a helper look like? You are to help him succeed, and as he succeeds, you succeed. You are to stand by him, understand the direction he has chosen for your family to go in, make sure it is right before God and His Word, and give your input, then help him get there.
As a wife, it means giving up your self-will (Remember that word?), and following your husband’s path that both of you have agreed upon, because your husband has been loving you as his own body (self) and only wants what is best for you, just as Christ does for the church.
(You can find these mandates in Ephesians 5:22-33)
We had not followed any of this in our marriage.
Okay… back to our story. I was still crying uncontrollably as all of our past mistakes played through my head like a movie, when my husband said some very wise, God-given, words…
Jane, we cannot go forward if we keep looking back. We are going to have to forget all this stuff in our past and quit talking about it to move forward. We have to start from here. (I didn’t put his statement in quotes, because neither of us could remember word for word. But this is close.)
I had just been arguing about some point I wanted to make, when he said that. I set there looking at him, and I knew this was God’s words, that they were profound, and that we would have to do it.
We made arrangements for our next date. (Stay tuned.)