If you are reading my gardening blog for the first time… this is a series on how I became a homemaker and began working on a better garden and retreat at home.
In 2004, my husband and I separated… legally. The house was put in my name and he went to live in an apartment. I was responsible for paying the house payment and all the associated bills, and responsible for our two children at this time. To this day, I still do not know how we came to this point in our lives, except that it was a series of missteps on both our parts.
In September, 1977, we took our covenant vows before God and were happy to do so. I was 19, had graduated from nursing school in June (no I am not that smart, I just started school early :)). All summer I had been the charge nurse for a medical floor and I thought I knew everything!
But when we said our vows, I did not understand what a covenant was before God and what happens when it is broken.
We were just like all newlyweds. I had married my best friend who I could tell everything to. We talked on the phone for hours when we were not together, and our parents were always running us off the phone.
After marriage, we went to church when work allowed, had two children, went through a miscarriage together, and endured the build up of the stresses that occur as life happens.
I nursed, homeschooled, changed my work hours and jobs numerous times over the years to be with our children, until I was working 12 hour weekends and homeschooling during the week. In 2004 we had one child in college and one almost ready to go to college… when we separated.
What led to this separation of two people who started out in love and best friends? It was too many things to count but I will list a few.
1. We were striving to make money to have more than we needed, and running up debt that would take two incomes to pay it off.
2. We were both going in our own directions.
3. We stopped talking and spending time together.
4. We did not work together.
5. We were not kind to each other… we became snotty and blaming of each other… for everything!
6. We sabotaged each other in dealing with our kids and in our own personal lives.
In 2004 we were to the point where we could not be in the same room together. We verbally fought all the time. I did not understand Danny, or any other man for that matter. Working around women all the time, gave me a definite women’s perspective, and even though I read my Bible, and wanted to please God, I could not relate the Bible to my life.
From my point of view, I hated my husband. There was no physical adultery on either part (see Matthew 5:28), there was no physical abuse, there was no Biblical basis for divorce. I had read enough Bible and wanted to please God enough that I knew I couldn’t divorce, even if I wanted to. So separation… for a time… became my out. We devised a plan to separate and then after two months to meet and try dating again, to work out our differences.
I gave Danny a book to read about how to be a Biblical leader of your home. He also read the complete Bible while we were separated, and this was from a man who rarely picked up the Bible, although he is a Christian.
We each had a lawyer and made the separation legal, because by this time the hurts and sabotage ran so deep we did not trust each other at all.
As I said… I hated my husband and in January of 2004, when he left for the last time, he came over to hug me. I was thinking… just go, don’t touch me, I don’t want you to touch me. And then something supernatural, and miraculous occurred that I could not understand whatsoever.
When Danny hugged me and pulled away, I had the most severe pain in my heart area. It was deep… and real… and felt like my heart was being stabbed with a knife and cut. As I read this description, it does not even come close to what I physically felt at that moment. It was eery and I could not understand why it would hurt me to have the man I hated so much, hug me and leave. And God brought this verse to my memory… “Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” Matthew 19:6
It hurt because our being one, had just been ripped in two. Danny didn’t feel any physical pain as I did, but I think God surprised me with a sign that maybe I didn’t really hate this man.
Danny left with the promise that he would call me in two months to set up our first “date”.
After that initial pain, those two months were supernaturally the most peaceful two months that I have ever experienced in life. I was working full-time as a nurse, finishing up homeschool with our son, and taking care of the house and all that requires. And I was at peace!
It was such a peaceful time of life, I never wanted it to end. Monday I will continue this series on becoming a homemaker, with what happens when my husband calls to set up our first date.
Have a great weekend and stay married until I can tell you what happens next! 🙂